maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
