i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
