so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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