I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Randomize
