We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
