No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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