Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
