I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
