I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
