(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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