We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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