anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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