Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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