I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
