You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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