i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
