Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
