Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
