ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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