Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
