you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
