i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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