This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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