i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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