dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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