the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
