I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
