apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
