Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry about my life...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
