i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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