She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
