what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
