kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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