just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
