Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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