pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
