you win again, gameday.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
