I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
