Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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