If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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