how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
