Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
