you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
