Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
