the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
