OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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