Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
