i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
