I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
