We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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