PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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