I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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