Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What a dumb baby whore.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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