420 ftw
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
