Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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